Confession Of A Christian
Note: The author of this article when sent to me wished to have it posted on the site in hopes of helping someone yet wished to remain anonymous.
You lay there on your bed, completely zoned out. You just don’t care anymore.
The last straw as it were has broken.
As you lay there on your bed you can hear a clock you have tick by. You never
realized it made that sound before.
You can hear the hum of the computer too. It seems so loud.
You think on the pets you have and wonder “Why couldn’t I have been like that?
Then I’d have no problems!”
You think of all the previous days you have felt so low. “Why bother living?”
you ask yourself. “Cause God wants me to.” You say
But the question “why?” comes again. Nothing is going right. You think of
someone you care for and wonder if they would miss you. You think of all the
ways you could end it. “What way is the easiest?” you wonder.
You think of everything that is going wrong again and wonder again “why?” You
think of all the excuses you gave before to stay alive. Non seem to work
anymore.
“Will my family miss me? – no they’d be better off”
“What about that task I was working on? – No someone else can pick it up”
“What about friends I write and talk to? Will they wonder where I am? Will they
miss me? – No they’ll forget soon enough.”
“What about God?” He has something for me to do! – Does He? I don’t know what,
how could He use me anyhow!? – Look at me!”
“God doesn’t want you to die.” You tell yourself, “but wait, isn’t it to be with
Christ far better?”
“But killing is killing you think. If I kill myself how am I different than any
other murderer? I’m destroying something of God’s.” – But what does that matter?
You feel you’re doing more harm then good.
“Oh!” you sign trying hard to not cry. “Please God help me!”
You’re at a point now where you’re quite sure how you’ll choose, but deep down
there’s something. Something stopping you!
You turn to God again. You don’t deserve anything but oh you need Him to talk.
You need Him to show Himself or what will you do!?
In desperation you grab your Bible praying He heard you. Opening t up you read
Proverbs 3:26. For some reason it works; you read it again. “He’s my confidence,
He will keep me?”
You asked for some type of answer and He gave it. You don’t understand it
though. You feel completely ruined. How could God ever keep you now? How can He
bring you out of this? You honestly don’t know, but you think of when you got
saved, all was well then. How happy you were then.
So surely He can help again, but how? I really don’t know, but will simply trust
in God. He’s promised to keep me. I’m willing to trust and see how.
Proverbs 3: 26 For the LORD shall be
thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot from being taken.
Daniel 10: 19 And said, O man greatly beloved, fear not: peace
be unto thee, be strong, yea, be strong. And when he had spoken unto me, I was
strengthened, and said, Let my lord speak; for thou hast strengthened me.